Teen texting pet peeves: Are you a rude texter?

By Allison Jones of Great River School

A teen girl looks on, frustrated, as her friend ignores her while texting. Photo illustration by Maya LeBeau

“[Texters] tend to do it all the time … when they should be doing other things. I find it very annoying." -- Josh Tilsen, 60, a father of two teen texters.

You’re at dinner with your best friend, talking, eating, and having a great time.

Until she pulls out her phone and starts texting.

You’re annoyed, but she puts it away and you don’t say anything. She pulls out her phone again and you confront her. She says: “It’s just a few quick texts, not a big deal.”

Based on a new study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, “Teens and Mobile Phones,” situations like this are probably becoming more common. The percentage of teens who text increased from 51 percent to 72 percent between 2006 and 2009.

As the popularity of texting rapidly increases, it’s clear no texting etiquette rules have been decided upon by society yet.

Josh Tilsen, 60, is the father of three teenagers, two of whom text. “[Texters] tend to do it all the time … when they should be doing other things. I find it very annoying,” he said.

With texting, it seems like anything goes these days. And even teens sometimes find it downright rude.

One teen texting pet peeve is, ironically, a trend started by computer chatting teens of the ‘90s: texting lingo like lol, which means “laugh/laughing out loud,” or kewl, which means “cool.”

“People don’t talk like that, so why should they text like that?” asked Zoë Brielmaier, 16. “I always type words correctly.”

Short responses annoy teens who like to wax poetic. “[I send] long, meaningful texts. I put heart and soul into every text,” Brielmaier said.

Some teens prefer phone calls and others prefer texts. Antonia Sousa, 17, texts but will call “when there are intimate or serious conversations that need to happen.”

Sousa also appreciates the convenience of texting. “Texting is pretty great because it’s like an easier, faster version of email,” she said.

Others prefer a good old-fashioned phone call. “I call people more than (I) text. Talking is more engaging … if I need to know the answer to one or two things, I’ll text them,” Elliot Daniels said.

Daniels said he dislikes short answers because they don’t “really keep the conversation going. It’s hard to think of something else to say.”

When it comes to responding, not all texts are created equal. “If somebody asks a question, then I should respond, but other than that I shouldn’t feel obligated,” Daniels said.

But Brielmaier thinks it’s rude not to respond right away.

Sarah Utke, 16, gets really bothered when a text interrupts her. But Sousa doesn’t mind. “I can just push a button and ignore it,” she said.

One of the unique things about texting is that every conversation is stored on your phone until you delete it. Many teens feel strongly about people looking through their texts.

“If other people are on my phone going through my messages, I hate that. It’s kind of like having your phone tapped,” Sousa said.

Another population often peeved by texting is parents.

But parents are catching on to the texting trend as well. Liz Jansen, 46, uses texting to coordinate day-to-day activities with her kids. “At first I was super resistant to it, then I saw its potential,” she said.

Other parents aren’t as keen on the texting trend. Parents make texting rules for their teens, like not allowing them to text at the dinner table or making them turn off their phones at 10 p.m.

And the cost of texting can be a prickly topic with parents, especially if a teen doesn’t have a plan with unlimited texting. Dan Timmons said his daughter racked up a $125 texting bill. “I made her pay every nickel,” he said.

Teri Gustafson, director of the Protocol School of Minnesota, is used to teaching people good etiquette. Although she usually teaches at corporations, texting etiquette comes up whenever she teaches children and young adults.

“Texting, like all communication should follow rules of thoughtfulness rather than selfishness,” Gustafson said.

“It is up to each of us to be in charge of our phone and texts rather than be a slave to the buzz,” she said.