The Pain of Being Played
I don’t understand why men feel it’s important to play women and be with as many of them as possible.
Most people go into relationships expecting fulfillment, happiness of some sort, someone to call at the end of the night just to say ‘good night’ to. But the new trend is being in a relationship with a guy who has a few different women calling to say ‘good night.’
This trend of ‘playin’ (or being with as many girls as possible) seems to be very popular in today’s society.
If you avoid relationships, or if you’ve been with the same significant other for the last three years, this might not be that important to you. But to the friends around you, striving to get their homework done on time and still keep a smile on their faces while being in a hurtful relationship, it’s hard work.
I was in a relationship for about two years, the majority of my high school career. We attended different high schools, and he was two years older. Going into this relationship, I heard a lot of negative things said about my new-found friend. But my philosophy in life is let the past be the past and move on, which I must admit was a bit naive on my part.
Over the course of these two years, I was cheated on with three different girls that I know of. And when you put all you have into something, and it just gets thrown away, it tears you up like tiger feasting on its prey.
Feeling betrayed
I guess I was never really told what was happening, but there were clues. He quit calling at night, he quit acting the same toward me. Eventually, I went out to dinner one night after school and saw him standing outside of a movie theater with someone I had suspected but never actually knew of being with him. I never felt any more betrayed or hurt.
When I finally broke up with this man and looked back throughout our entire relationship, I realized that I was willing to stay with the guy after the first time, because I honestly believed I loved him. And ladies, I am sure you all know what it is like to love a man so much, whether it be your father, or some long-time boyfriend that when something like this happens, you don’t know what to feel.
I don’t understand why men feel it’s important to play women and be with as many of them as possible. Sure, some women don’t mind just being a one-time thing. But when a guy says to a girl night after night that he cares about her, but he still continues to be with other girls, there has to be some sort of insecurity issue with this man. The more women he gets with, the more attractive and secure he feels? I don’t think women should have to risk their security, by putting their trust in someone and just having it smashed to pieces. What’s the fun in risking getting diseases or babies that you might not even know about? Where’s the fun in destroying another person?
Some of my relationships with my closest friends were at a halt because he had become my world. My family was disappointed in the way I chose to think about him, how I had let him control me so much. I felt I could never love again, I could never trust again. I felt worthless.
Luckily, in the end, I still had my friends and my mom to help me get over this catastrophe and keep me strong even when I felt like I
wasn’t. I hope that every woman who gets into a relationship knows what she is risking nowadays, because it is a VERY difficult job trying to grow back into someone you love.
Dannah is a senior in Minneapolis, “I got into writing because no one else in 5th grade wanted to write the class newsletter.” She is an editor for her school’s newspaper and is “addicted to music.”
Comments
I am a guy and I got played by a girl. It’s not just guys. I believed she had loved me for 5 months and we were dating for 2. When we met we both were in high school i was a sophomore and she was a senior so it was 3 years difference. It’s also interracial she’s white and i’m asian. She claimed to not care about any of that. At 2 oclock every day when i got out of school i’d text her and we’d txt until one of us fell asleep for 9 months we known each other. 5 months i was happy and could sleep. Now everything seems boring, my neurosis is worse, and my insomnia is back. Plus it was my first relationship so it’s much worse then about the 20th breakup. But i’m over it. I still have feelings for her though.
i connect to this story because its happen to me so many times and its true that the men in this society to day are "players."
I agree, I was played in the worst possible way too.
I went into the relationship with high self-esteem and he dragged it down. He was the most wonderful guy when we first met - attractive, charming etc... and he pulled me down bit by bit.
Although looking back a lot of people told me I was way out of his league lookswise and certainly intelligencewise he dumped me for another girl he'd been seeing the whole time.
He was the one who had pursued me and begged me to stay with him and continuously told me he loved me, just to ditch me like a piece of trash despite the fact that I'd been there for him.
My mind registers that he must be very insecure, but my heart feels that he is just a heartless b******. He told me he had been hurt in the past, if this was the truth - then how could he do it?
I am beginning to doubt if it was the truth. I think it was all a part of his act.
I think it will take me a long time to recover but I just have to keep loving and believing in myself....
I need to feel sorry for him and his patheticness but it is hard when he won't apologize and still thinks he did nothing wrong. I cut him off months ago but he still sends me texts asking why I won't answer his calls.
He;s a psychopath and I cannot stop thinking about how I let myself get involved with such a man. I had troubles trusting my new bf because his lies were so good.
Ya, I think the worst part about being played -- by a girl or a guy -- is the loss of trust in yourself. You go into the relationship confident in yourself, feeling good, and by the end of it you just don't even recognize yourself anymore. I'm 28 and I still don't know why there are people out there like this. But they are dangerous. Don't worry though, Anonymous, you will recover, move on and find an incredible guy who builds you up and doesn't break you down.
This article unfairly targets men as the only dishonest actors in romantic relationships. The fact of the matter is that almost all of the women are only interested in the top most attractive 20% of men. I think the reasons for this are mostly biological. The remaining 80% of men end up either lonesome or getting used by women in some way. There are multiple multi-billion dollar industries dedicated to helping women with this game of manipulating men in relationships, at work, in school, everywhere. So I have little sympathy for the girls standing in line for STD from the top 20% complaining that men are dishonest and unfaithful. Its a numbers game.
Cant trust a girl just as much as u cant trust a guy... only difference is u girls get a heads up about it
That's very punny, Anonomous! ;D
i am almost afraid to flirt with guys anymore because there have been two guys now that have tried to play me just to makeout with me, i didnt kiss them but im afraid that everytime a guy flirts with me he only wants the same thing the other 2 did.. i dont know what to do anymore. the first one hit me rrally hard but the second one just hurt because its almost lie the message has gotten around that you should try to play this girl (me) because she is easy prey, i dont want to be that that girl so thats why ik freaked out abouthaving a possible relationship. i have also seen almost all of my closest frienda have the same thing happen to them and its just scareds me. advice? thanks.. and soory some of my spelling is bad, im typing on my ipod touch.
i am almost afraid to flirt with guys anymore because there have been two guys now that have tried to play me just to makeout with me, i didnt kiss them but im afraid that everytime a guy flirts with me he only wants the same thing the other 2 did.. i dont know what to do anymore. the first one hit me rrally hard but the second one just hurt because its almost lie the message has gotten around that you should try to play this girl (me) because she is easy prey, i dont want to be that that girl so thats why ik freaked out abouthaving a possible relationship. i have also seen almost all of my closest frienda have the same thing happen to them and its just scareds me. advice? thanks.. and soory some of my spelling is bad, im typing on my ipod touch.
I am 17 and my ex-boyfriend who was also 17 played me.
I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years with who I thought was the most amazing guy in the world, but for some reason I never felt content. I felt like I never had enough of him. I was always the one to ask to see him. I was the one to text/call him. I was the one who missed him more. He was perfect otherwise, on face value. He was polite, always said the right things, cared about his family lots, worked hard, treat me like a princess when we were out with friends. However, I found that I never felt like he wanted me all the time. It was a weird feeling, as whenever I asked him if he was happy he would say things like 'Yes of course I am baby I love you so much you are the only one for me silly'. But, unlike in my previous relationship, which involved a very "clingy" boyfriend who bombared my phone with texts, wanting to see me all the time, constantly was after me, in this relationship I felt like I was the only one really interested in our relationship. I was CRAZY about him. Yet, he somehow subliminly made me feel like I was not his main priority/favourite person. I was always treat less important than his family. He always said he would not stay with me because his family would not agree (cause of cultural/faith differences). I felt like it was only me who was making the effort to stay close, but he disagreed with this concept when I brought it up in arguments, so I tried not calling him for a couple of days and he barely called me once. This is odd as we usually spoke constantly, this proved to me that it was always me making the effort, and although he put up with it without complaining, he wasnt bothered if we talked or not. This made me feel very hurt and confused. He made me feel like I was one of those 'clingy' girlfriends, I thought I must be a much more clingy girl than most of my friends. But it has always been the other way around in past dating with boys, I've felt they were too clingy and I wanted a teeny bit of space. This is why it confused me, Im not an overly-clingy person. However, I never had a go at him or complained about barely seeing him. (I didnt see him at weekends at all due to his job taking up all his weekends) so struggled to see him twice. If I ever asked to see him more he would get mad and say he needed space. This wasnt normal as all my friends in long-term/normal relationships say how they see their boyfriends every single day.. which is mostly due to the boy wanting to see the girl! Whenever I brought up other people he got really mad, as though he was threatened he wasnt as good a boyfriend as my friends' boyfriends were. And if I ever did complain in an argument about not seeing him on weekends etc. instead of apologizing and trying to comprimise or make me feel a bit better, he would straight away ask if we should split up. Being with him 2 and a half years, to me this was an awful decision!! He would bring it up lightly all the time, to me splitting up would only be after a large issue. After seeing him for about 1 year I found out he had flirted with a girl in his class. He did it to the extreme though, and said he wanted to marry her etc. (even though she was taken) I was devestated, so split up for a couple of weeks. I didn't even know this girl existed so I felt very confused/shocked/betrayed. However, much to the dislike of my close friends and family, I took him back. I did this because I believed it was a one off and he didn't cheat so it wasn't that bad and wouldn't happen again. He said he knew how he had lost me through it, and it wasn't worth it.. it was "just a laugh". We carried on seeing for about a month then had antoher short break up as we were arguing too much, due to me not trusting him when it came to girls etc. This though, is because he had a tendency to lie. E.g. Once, he told me he was with his male friends , but I found out he was really with his female friend. I know nothing would have happened here, as she is a really nice girl in a serious relationship, and they have been school friends for years. I just didn't understand why he had to lie! I got mad, but he made me feel it was my fault. He used to say things like 'i lied because you would ask too many questions and be nasty if i said i was with a girlfriend'. This really confused me at first because I knew I wouldn't be upset at all if he told me the truth and it must be a lot worse than lieing to me! However, the more he told me these sorts of things I started to believe it was my fault and I probably might have asked a million and one things. Therefore, I tried to avoid complaining or asking questions. This allowed him to get away with small lies. Through arguing, we split up for another month. It was such a hard month for both of us as we didn't speak at all. We started meeting up as friends which was elad to us rekindling our relationship. We were then seeing for another year and a half. However, I kept feeling like I somehow loved him more, despite his perfect phrases e.g. 'Baby you are amazing I love you so much!' I started getting fed up with the little time we spent together, so brought it up and he thought we should split up as he said that I am 'cruel for making him feel bad about his job'. I felt awful for even bringing up seeing us more so apologised and asked him to forgive me and be with me. He turned it round as if I was in the wrong all the time when I had a issue with him, as he threatened to finish ME if I complained about things he didn't want to change. I was blinded by love so generally thought he was perfect and all the problems were because of me. Trust has always been an issue in our relationship, but I always thought deep down he was being faithful as on his facebook he didn't talk to any girls, he worked all weekends and was at college or with me on weekdays. However, something was always missing. My confidence had dropped through seeing him. Everybody said I was way to good to be with him due to my looks, intelligance and popularity. Therefore, I thought I would feel especially wanted by him, but I didn't. He never asked for sex also, which is a nice but ODD trait for such a long relationship. I regularly doubted he didn't love me anymore, but his words -mostly texts- told me otherwise. After the argument about not seeing him enough, I checked his emails (he knew I had his passwords for everything) and found in his 'Deleted' folder 6 emails from a dating website. He had been living a double life. He made an account on this website with a fake name and his friend's pictures and with his relationship status as Single. He was contacting lots of girls from all over the country explaining he was single and looking for a girlfriend. He was very close with them all, telling them how attractive they were, if they were 'the girl of his dreams', calling them petnames he calls me e.g. 'douchebag' 'gorgeous' 'babe', and telling them he wanted to meet up with them. He also dirty talked with one who he called 'his favourite'. He had been actively searching for a suitable girl for months on this website, yet not saying anything at all or acting differently with me at all. He would be with me one night and be so romantic and happy, then go home and log on as a fake single person searching for love. I then found out emails from another website which helps people to have affairs. This website had been used over 6 months before the other dating website. He had been unfaithful online for the whole time we were together - it appeared. I was in utter shock and disbelief when I found out. I finished him and all he said was he was happy as he hasn't been happy with me for ages. I was so angry and disgusted how he could say that but had never mentioned not being happy with me or finished me if he lost interest. My friends are saying he is embarassed and ashamed so is trying to act like it's not his fault - it's mine for 'making him stay with me'. Since the breakup (2 days ago) we haven't spoken once. He is acting completely normal and happy to all his friends as if he isn't upset in the slightest. I feel sick as I believed for 2 and a half years that he was in LOVE with me and would be distraught if we split up, as this is the words he has said. But he spoke just as nice to all these other girls. He was clearly playing me, and the nice words he said to me and the other girls are all just part of his sick 'game'. The hardest bit is he doesn't feel bad at all so I feel like he never loved me. It is so confusing as I believe no matter how much of a coward he is, it would be impossible for him to stay with me and not ask for a breakup if he really did not love me. My confidence has been scarred for life, and my trust for boys will probably never heal. How can I get ovet this hurt/betrayal?
I got played by two guys now and it sucks big time!!!!! It brings you down and basically makes you feel worthless. One of the guys said to me " Don't hate the player, hate the game." Well I hate the player for playing the game!!!!! I don't think I can ever trust a guy ever again.
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