Essay contest reveals bullying is common

By Minnesota teens

Nicole Shelstad, of Faribault High School, is our first-place winner for this contest. Photo courtesy of Nicole.

When I was 13, a boy I thought I was close with found out I was cutting myself and used that as a reason to hate me. -- Elena

One surprise in ThreeSixty Journalism’s essay contest about bullying is how common it is, particularly among middle-school students. In most cases, the bullying is not via cyberspace but in the gym, the cafeteria, the school hallway.

Of the 67 students who wrote, many describe being bullied about weight and religion, clothing and physical differences. Even those who haven’t been bullied have seen others picked on.

Some describe not defending schoolmates for fear they’ll become targets. Others express the pain of having a friend become a tormentor. Several were reluctant to tell adults about the bullying and were relieved when teachers or parents made things better. Some recognize the anger and insecurity that often lead children to attack each other.

The three winners did a particularly strong job of describing the pain of being bullied and outlining what teachers, schools and parents can do to prevent and stop it. We are grateful for their candor and are honored to present these three winning essays.

First place, Nicole Shelstad, Faribault High School

Nicole’s essay is a vivid, poignant reminder of the part adults can play with bullying. In one case, a teacher’s mocking remark caused Nicole to remain quiet for the rest of the school year. As she writes: “A teacher had made fun of who I was.” While she has seen adults help reduce bullying, she’s also seen them ignore it.

Throughout my life I have been teased, sometimes so severely I just didn’t want to go to school. The teasers ranged from family members and peers to my teachers. I remember two incidents in particular.

One of my memories comes from 5th grade. I had left to use the restroom and when I came back the teacher was reading aloud to the class. I went and sat down and smiled at the teacher to let her know I was back. Abruptly she stopped reading and said something along the lines of, “Oh, so that’s why it was so quiet, Nicole was gone!”

Immediately, the laughter broke out. Trying to go along with it, I started laughing, too. Then I stated crying; it really hurt my feelings. A teacher had made fun of who I was. I was a peppy little girl and liked to put my input into things I was allowed to. From then on that school year I kept quiet, not wanting my teacher to say something like that again.

Other teasing I remember was from 6th grade and continues even now that I’m in 11th grade. A boy I had liked started calling me very cruel names. He said I was like a fat, pregnant whale. I wasn’t big and I wasn’t tiny, I was average but still conscious about my weight.

He did this continuously for months. I’d go home crying because of his words. He also got his friends to say things like that. I was able to put a slight stop in the name-calling when my mom and a teacher told the school cop about the harassments.

But it started again once I got into high school. Just last year in gym class a boy started calling me names, saying I sounded like the subs in his car whenever I walk and that if I didn’t watch where I was walking, I’d fall and start rolling. To this day I’m still insecure about my weight, even if I am still just average.

There are many things our schools can do to prevent teasing. One thing they have done in our school is to create a Respect Retreat we attend in 9th grade. There, we all work together on fun activities, and learn how important it is to respect one another and treat others the way ourselves like to be treated.

Another way is for teachers to not ignore it. Countless times I have heard kids getting teased and called names and the teachers don’t do anything, even though they’ve clearly heard what’s been said. They could start a club that’s designed for respecting others, and put up signs around the school showing ways you can be a better person to others. There are many ways to prevent bullying; one just needs to take the time to do it.

Teasing is a very serious topic, and it can lead to very serious issues, like suicide. This topic needs to be taken more seriously by our generation. It could save lives, self-esteem and could make this world a much better place if bullying and name-calling would just stop.

Second place, Elena, Minneapolis

Elena’s essay opens with a dramatic scene, then powerfully describes the pain of having a friend betray you by sharing your struggles with other classmates. Like Nicole, she has thoughtful suggestions about what adults can do to help solve conflicts between students before they escalate.

“Cutter!”

The word echoes through the cafeteria, and a bomb of sticky liquid explodes on my ribcage. Chocolate milk leaves a brown splatter down the side of my shirt, and the carton falls into the bag slung over my shoulder. It drips onto my homework, ruining the assignment.

The boys at the far table laugh out loud, as their ringleader smirks. These are the events that filled my seventh-grade year.

All my life, I have struggled with depression, and self-harm. These feelings were strongest in middle school. When I was 13, a boy I thought I was close with found out I was cutting myself and used that as a reason to hate me. He betrayed me, leaking all of my personal information to the school.

This led to the daily harassment that characterized my year. Students I had never met made wrist-slashing motions at me during class. Boys would follow me through the hall spitting insults like “emo b****” at my back. They left notes on my locker that said “cutter” in huge, scratchy letters. What hurt me most was that the bullying was being led by someone I had grown up with and who I cared about.

There were days when I ended up crying in the office, calling my mom and asking her to pick me up. She encouraged me to stay every time, though, telling me that I was better than the bullies. She taught me to tough it out. The strength that I learned that year has stayed with me ever since. I learned to ignore negativity and be the bigger person in hard situations. Instead of showing the people who teased me that I was upset, I began to ignore them. Eventually, they became bored bullying someone who didn’t seem to care, and they left me alone.

I believe that schools only have so much ability to control bullying once it has started. I think they should refocus some of their effort to stopping it before it begins. When a teacher or administrator notices a friendship that has become negative or sees an intense argument between students, they could hold a mediation meeting.

Schools could try harder to create peace in situations that could lead to bullying and harassment. If a mediation meeting had been called between my friend and me, I may have never been teased. Talking through problems and feelings towards one another can be a very useful tool for solving conflicts among students. If schools put more attention on preventative methods, a large portion of bullying could be avoided.